Oceans Deep

Finding & Following Jesus in the Deep End of Life

Month: March 2017

Pay Attention to the Gnats

Hello there, readers. So I’ve referenced our upcoming return to Georgia in several recent posts, and if you’re on Facebook you know more about it. But today, I thought I would back up a little and share the incredible unfolding of circumstances that brought us to this point.

I share for my own archives, as I tend to have a short memory these days (I blame the kids). But I share too in the hopes of encouraging you with a valuable lesson God has impressed upon me throughout this process. It’s simple, and perhaps a bit odd:

Pay attention to the gnats in your life.

Let me explain … no, there is too much, let me sum up (name that movie!) …

Way back in our residency days, Aaron made fast friends with a fellow resident, one who was a year ahead of him in training. This friend, a native Californian, decided to return to the Golden State for a fellowship at none other than UC Davis. And God used this friend to open the door to Aaron’s eventual selection of fellowship at UC Davis.

Beforehand, California had never been on the radar for these two born and bred Southerners. But, once the Lore cracked opened that door just a peek, we knew California was the place for us, and the rest is history.

Following his fellowship training at UC Davis, this friend moved home to Southern California and began practicing with his uncle. He and Aaron would often talk about practicing together one day and the possibility of us moving to Southern California—some day.

Talk of this came off and on over the past 5 years and was always more of a theory than a possibility … until October 2016, when Aaron’s friend called him with an official offer to come and interview.

At first, I laughed a big, bold belly laugh. Here I was, holding my 1-month old daughter and feeling completely overwhelmed by life. And honestly, the thought of moving anywhere—much less Southern California—sounded about as appealing as giving birth to said 1-month-old again.

However, when I realized Aaron was seriously considering this opportunity, it led us to have a serious sit-down talk about the future … my first, fleshly instinct was to say no. How could taking this job be a good thing? Why even bother with an interview?

But we realized that this opportunity, this possibility, had been floating around us for years. It was that little gnat that kept appearing now and again, one we couldn’t seem to swat away with any finality.

And while neither of us could truly picture making that move, we felt a spirit certainty that he needed to go on this interview. This was a gnat we simply couldn’t ignore. We had no clue what purposes God had in mind, as we couldn’t see past the end of our sleep-deprived noses … but we knew He was in it. And we knew we needed to be obedient and walk through this door He opened…

Thus, in early November, Aaron flew to Southern California for the interview. The job had some appealing aspects, to be sure, but as we’d previously suspected, it was not the right fit, nor the right time to make such a move.

It was, however, the catalyst for throwing open the doors to our current path. God used that interview to open our eyes and our minds to the possibility of moving from academic medicine to private practice. It spurred us to ask the question, if we’re going to make that change, why move to another part of California? Why not look at opportunities back home?

God used that little gnat to open our hearts and our hands and ask the question: Lord, is now the time You want us to move back home?

Amazingly, within weeks, that question was answered in the form of two job interviews in our top two desired locations … both of which led to incredible job offers (and an incredibly tough decision-making process, but that’s for another post!).

As I reflect on all this today and everything God has unfolded in the past 4 months, I’m amazed at how it all began—by simply paying attention to a little tug, a seemingly crazy opportunity. If we’d ignored that gnat and assumed we knew best, we would have missed God’s leading in our lives. We would have missed His gracious answer to the cry of our homesick hearts.

So I say to you, dear reader, pay attention to those gnats in your life. We so easily assume we know God’s mind or what is best for us—but God is a master Creator, an unmatched storyteller. He knows how to weave together the smallest and most innocuous of events in a way that keeps our stories unfolding in a thrilling and unpredictable manner.

In the distracted rush of life, it’s all too easy for us to brush away those gnats with the assumption that they’re gnats, they can’t serve any possible purpose.

But that’s the amazing, exhilarating thing about God … you just never know what enormous things may come from something so small. Isn’t that the epitome of faith itself? A mustard seed, growing into the huge spread of a mustard bush. Something remarkable born out of something unremarkable.

Is there a gnat in your life today? Something that keeps coming up that you keep swatting away in short sighted confidence? Perhaps take a moment and ask God what divine purpose that gnat may serve in your life. The answer just might surprise and thrill you.

Blessings,

In Its Time

This week, I’m overflowing with emotions. It’s an all the feels kind of week, as well as a busy/stressful/overwhelming week (thus the brevity of this post!).

This week, we officially put our house on the market. All these weeks of cleaning, clearing out, and packing up the clutter finally came to a head in the form of a big blue “For Sale” sign in our yard.

And I’m still trying to process it all.

Waking up Wednesday morning, the full magnitude and significance of the day hit me hard. We’ve talked so much about it these past couple of months, but it really sinks in when that online listing goes live.

As I look at that For Sale sign in our yard, I think of how many times my heart longed for this day over the past nearly 5 years. I spent many a day wondering when or if this day would even come … but just like that, it has.

It reminds me a whole lot of the many, many months I spent waiting for a baby. I banked countless hours whining and crying and complaining over the issue. By God’s grace, I finally learned to lay it down before Him … and so when it did happen? Pure and utter joy.

And it’s this same joy that’s flooded my heart this week. When God comes down and answers the deep cry of your heart with a gentle yes, it’s enough to take your breath away. I am so thankful.

Yet in the same breath I say thank you, I’m must also utter a convicted I’m sorry, as I think of all the days I doubted God’s goodness while my heart longed for home.

On the really hard and lonely days, I charged Him with wrongdoing on account of the fact that this day had not yet arrived. I charged Him with a lack of goodness, a lack of love, and a lack of presence.

But the truth? The truth is so clear and crisp today: He was never doing wrong. He has always been good and loving and present throughout this season.

He was working out good things, great things, in my heart and the hearts of my loved ones. He was intertwining our lives with some amazing people we will never forget, people we will carry in our hearts when we head back to Georgia.

And all the while, He was diligently planning and orchestrating our return home for just the right day and just the right time.

It reminds me of the heartening words of Ecclesiastes 3:11—

He has made everything beautiful in its time (NIV).

Everything. The things I could understand and the things I could not.

Everything.

Dear reader, is there something in your life today that’s causing you to doubt God’s goodness? His presence in your life? Are you facing a circumstance that’s tempting you to charge God with wrongdoing?

Hang on in faith. Hang onto whatever sliver of a thread you may have left. God is not doing you wrong, nor is He absent. He has not forgotten you or your pain. He is present and clear-headed in your confusing and frustrating situation.

Hang on in faith while He works. Choose to believe that He is indeed working—in your life and the lives of those around you. Don’t assume you know the end of the story based on whatever’s happened thus far.

Trust His heart and His time … and while you wait, continue allowing Him to make beautiful tomorrow what you cannot understand today.

Blessings,

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